Solace
by Aquamonkey
Summary: Ava Shepard has been playfully flirting with Zaeed since he boarded the Normandy a few months back. When she goes to talk to him one time however, her confident persona had vanished and he knew that something was wrong. *Rated M for talk of personal things, a one night stand gone wrong, and swearing. Grittiness warning* One-shot.


Solace

Ava headed to the elevator to go to the cargo hold, so she could chat with a man whom she had grown fond of, but he still pissed her off at times. That was part of his charm.

Zaeed Massani, aka, the badass merc, who smoked, had a very colourful vocabulary and probably drank far too much. Also known as the man who Ava wanted to slap at times. But she still liked him. He told it like it is, didn't dance around subjects, and got the job done properly. That was why she needed someone like him on her squad.

Today however, Ava felt a little sick. Her stomach felt like it had a lead weight in it. She needed to get something off her chest, and it was very sensitive information. She had decided to tell Zaeed because at least with him, he would tell you if he gave a damn or not, and if he did, he'd listen. If not, then get out of his path.

The walk down the corridor was a daunting one. She passed Thane's room and considering talking to him. Then again, she didn't really know him, and even after helping him find Kolyat, that fact hadn't changed. She took a deep breath and walked into the cargo hold, to see the man she wanted to talk to cleaning his beloved gun, Jessie. She half considered bolting back the way she came, but when he looked at her, he knew something was off. He stopped cleaning and turned to face her.

"Shepard?"

Ava waved her hand. "You can call me Ava, I think we have known each other for long enough for that. Look, I need to talk to someone who will listen, and tell me what they honestly think, not just skirt around the subject because I am their commander and they that feel they have to do so. Okay, breathe Ava".

She had forgotten to breathe and ended up coughing lightly before regaining her composure.

"Have any booze? I could do with a little dutch courage".

Zaeed nodded but looked apprehensive. "Ava. I get the feeling that it is important, what you need to say. Shouldn't you have a clear head?"

She shook her head. "Believe me, my head is clear enough". She then proceeded to sit on a crate and began to fidget with her fingers. That made him tilt his head at her as he got out a bottle of single malt whiskey and two glasses. He poured some and passed a glass to her, and she nodded in thanks. She took a big drink and made a face at the burning sensation that went down her throat.

"Not a big drinker huh?"

She laughed a little. "No, never have been. Ahem, anyway. If you are willing to listen, what I am about to tell you is highly sensitive information about myself. And please forgive me if I become a little reticent, it is, tough to try and voice what's inside my head".

Zaeed nodded. "What, bra and pantie size? After a few months? Really, Ava".

She laughed and quickly drank some more whiskey to kill her nerves. "Fuck, you really don't fuck around do you? Good, but no. My sizes shall not be revealed to you". She smirked.

He smirked back. "Seriously though, whatever you have to say, I am here, and I will listen. I am keeping this bottle next to me though, I don't trust you with it".

Ava looked at the floor now, and Zaeed knew he had made her uncomfortable. "Probably a good thing". She took a deep breathe and tried to center herself before continuing.

"I have never been like other women. Like my friends, or so many I hear about on TV or the extranet, or in magazines. This really is personal stuff okay? If you don't want to hear it, please say so and I'll shut up. My friends always used to say, you need a good man, someone who will rock your world in bed, someone who will tire you out and leave you feeling incredible. They all said that their men did just that, and their orgasms were that powerful that it rendered them almost unconscious. So when that didn't happen with me, I wondered why. Was it me? Was it him? The technique, the position? I didn't dwell on it though. I figured that I would experience that ever elusive orgasm soon enough and I would love it. But it never happened, with either of my ex's. My friends would tell me about certain areas that were really sensitive on their bodies, and I would tell my partner to test that theory out. Apparently when a man sucks my nipples, I am supposed to be crying out, writhing in euphoric pleasure. Again, this didn't happen and I soon got bored of it".

Zaeed sipped the whiskey and watched Ava carefully. He had heard about how she was. Tough, imposing, stern. Yet now, she was timid, frightened, and her voice cracked as if she were about to cry. He grew worried at just what she was about to tell him.

"Both of my ex's realised that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to, and they both got bored of me and found someone else. What was I supposed to do? Lie to them? Make noises just to please them? The sex was fine, I didn't, 'get off' but both knew how to make me happy. I am not stupid, I know that everyone is different and that they like different things. But it made me envious that my female friends were getting their brains fucked out, and I was getting maybe half an hour of some pleasure, and then him rolling over and going to sleep. I couldn't understand why I couldn't do it, why they couldn't, so I gave up. I didn't bother with a man for six years. Then one night in a bar, a man asked could he sit next to me and buy me a drink. I nodded, and knew he couldn't slip anything into it since I was looking at him. I know that sounds bad but my faith in men had all but gone after the bullshit I had been told all the time. Men left, right and center would say, 'I can make you cum just by looking at you', or, 'Your knickers will fall off the moment I look at you'. I just used to laugh and they'd be horrified. They were supposed to get the girl, get laid and then fuck off, not get laughed at. Then there were others that had me laughing too. My favourite was, 'I am so big'. Then one guy even showed me it, and I couldn't see it. No joke. I can look you in the eye and tell you straight that I couldn't see it. Telling him that however didn't go down too well".

Zaeed couldn't help but laugh. Some men bragged all the time, making many women believe that they all did that, when many didn't, it was the alcohol talking.

Ava's laugh soon died down and she continued after another small sip of the liquid that was warming her body, making her feel cozier inside.

"Yeah, anyway, about that guy I met in the bar that bought me a drink. We got chatting and I liked him. He was charming, not arrogant about it, smart, very funny and seemed genuine".

Ava noticed that the Zaeed tensed when she said 'seemed'. She then panicked and thought he knew how this was going to go on.

"So after a few hours of laughing and enjoying myself, I invited him back for coffee, just coffee, nothing more. While I was making the coffee, he stood up from the couch and put his arm around my waist. I thought, what the hell is he doing? I hadn't given him any, I want you signals, at least I thought I hadn't. I guess playing with my hair is a come on to some guys. I moved his arm away but then he picked me up and dumped me on the couch. The sweet, gentle look I had seen in his eyes earlier that night had disappeared. It was replaced with a glazed over, stone cold look and then I knew what he was planning, and I became too scared to scream, or fight. He took off my clothes and something paralyzed me, so I couldn't stop him. He then fumbled with his belt, and...and".

She has started to shake, her voice quivered and a protective feeling washed over the merc, who wanted to walk the short distance to her and hold her. But he knew he shouldn't. He held back and drained his glass before refilling it.

"He took off his pants, and glared at me. I nodded, knowing he'd do it anyway even if I didn't. I thought that he'd at least try to make me aroused, since I wasn't. I was a bit wet, sorry, but it wasn't enough to help when he put my legs around his waist and slammed in. All I could do was wish it was over quickly, hell, hope he lasted five minutes just so it would be over. He didn't. I couldn't move, my back was rooted to the couch and I didn't want to make a sound, even though it hurt. I let him have his way, instead of injuring him, doing something, anything just to make him stop. I felt a sting and I winced. He stopped, noticing that and pulled out. He had blood on him, and he cursed before standing up and getting some tissues and cleaning himself. He asked if I had anything, I knew he meant disease wise. I shook my head and he brought some tissue over to me before cleaning me. The bleeding soon stopped and I thought he would leave, knowing that he had hurt me. He could leave and jack off to porn to finish himself off. But no. He flipped me onto my hands and knees and went back in, again slamming so it hurt".

Now, Ava's hands were visibly shaking and Zaeed's anger grew. He wanted to get to the man who had inflicted this grievous crime. Kill him with his bare hands and have him cry out in pain. She began to sob, and he barely stopped the nagging in his brain that was telling him to comfort her. But she didn't need someone comforting her, she needed someone who would listen.

"Then I felt a searing pain and I cried out. So did he, and I figured he was done. He was, and pulled out to see more blood, much more blood. He cursed again and stood to clean himself. He then got dressed, told me I should get the bleeding checked and then left my apartment. I somehow got up, put a kitchen towel around my waist and stumbled out of my door before everything went black. I woke up in hospital, tubes and needles in me. The doctor told me that the bleeding was from a rupture in the lining of my womb. They had to remove my womb to save me. I told them and the police what happened and they found the guy a few days later and arrested him. I had to spend six weeks in hospital and I had to have counselling, for the emotional trauma. Well that was long winded, but I feel better for getting it out. I told you this because, I know that we have been playfully flirting, but I am damaged goods. I am not worth anything more than being tossed around like a play thing. So I wanted to end whatever this is, before...".

Zaeed stood up. "Before you allow yourself to feel again? Ava, one, you are not damaged goods, you are fucking gorgeous and the strongest woman that I have ever met. Two, you are worth everything, and anything. If you are bothered about the not being able to have kids thing, if this goes anywhere, I never wanted them anyway. But for you, and since I have known people with kids that aren't little arseholes, I would be willing to make an exception".

Ava stood up too, on shaky legs, so she lent against the crate. "Huh? You still like me after that? Shit, that's weird. And an exception? Really? You like me enough for a serious commitment like that cause it wouldn't be an easy ride".

Now, Zaeed walked to her and hugged her. She buried her face in his neck. "Yeah, I do like you, a lot. You are something else, and always have my curiosity, and my back. I admire that. You admitted something to me, convinced that I would walk away afterwards. But only a few things matter. You survived, he got what was coming, and you are courageous. You command a fucking ship, and have people that would do anything for you. That doesn't stop the fact that I want to have words with the man that did that to you but, you are all that matters to me. And I will go through hell and back if it means that I get to see that gorgeous smile again".

Noting that Ava had gone quiet worried him, but she looked at him and smiled. "Words? Don't you mean you'd just kill him?" She giggled and put her arms around his neck.

"Well yes, but he deserves it. You okay? Feel any better?"

Ava smiled again. "Yes. Thank you for listening, and being honest. I could get used to you, gravel voiced, ever smirking, kinda sweet, don't worry, I won't tell anyone about that merc. I would like to take this slow, since I know that it can get a little heated sometimes. And I want you to know that if I wanted to jump you, I would. I wanted to savor it, instead of rushing it".

Zaeed's mouth quirked into a smile. "If I was like that, I would have tried to jump you already. But I respect you, not just your status, or your brilliant mind, or that goddamn sexy body, but all of you. Taking it slow is fine with me. Want another drink?"

Ava nodded and kissed him on his scarred cheek. "I would, thanks. A sweetheart, who would have thought it?"

Zaeed turned to her and laughed. "Bitch". Now she laughed.

The pair talked for a few more hours before Ava returned to her room. She smiled as she got into bed, realising that this could be the start of something real for her. She embraced the fluttering in her stomach before closing her eyes and drifting off into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
